Contractions make speaking and writing easier. What once was two words is now one. But why stop there? Using the same principles and guidelines to smash two words together, we can do three, and maybe more.We can go further than ever in finding creative and innovative ways to destroy the English language. For example:

If “you are” = you’re
and “are not” = aren’t
then “you are not” = you’ren’t.
For example, “You’ren’t welcome here.”

Along the same lines:

If “it is” = it’s
and “is not” = isn’t
then “it is not” = it’sn’t.
For example, “You can’t just barge in here like that, it’sn’t acceptable!”

Once you’ve got some of the basic rules thrown out the window, you’ll’ve acquired the ability to come up with all kinds of stuff.

“I’ven’t hurt this bad in a long time. But I need to catch him, he can’t’ve gotten far. I’mn’t as fast as I used to be, but he’sn’t either. I tipped off the cops, but they’ren’t going to do anything. Sarah. She’d’ve been miles away this week if I’dn’t convinced her to stay. She’ll’ve slipped into a poisoned coma by now, but she can still be saved. I need to get the antidote soon, eleven o’clock’ll be too late.”

I’m sure ya’ll’re wondering how that story ends, and how it began for that matter. But that’sn’t the point of this post. Let’sn’t get too heated about it, it’s just an example. Otherwise I’dn’t’ve’d to include it in this post.

Hopefully I’ve motivated you to join me in this endeavor. If you come up with some sweet contractions of your own, I’d love to hear ’em. Then you can share in the fun of this post. I seriously couldn’t’ve’d a better time writing it.

  • You shouldn’t’ve show them this, now they’ren’t going to stop!