Colonoscopy Survival Kit

Colonoscopy Survival KitThis is one of the most amusing things I’ve ever seen. A gift basket to be auctioned off at a local charity event, donated by a Gastroenterologist.

Included items:

  • An overview with all the information you could ever want about a colonoscopy
  • AirWick air freshener
  • Baby wipes
  • Gatorade (x2)
  • Butt Aid diaper rash ointment
  • The book, “Holes”

What more could you need?

27 Years

Yesterday was my 27th birthday, which I decided to celebrate in the usual fashion by completing another birthday list. Because there aren’t 27 letters in our alphabet and 27 isn’t a quarter of a hundred, I had to get a little more creative this year. I decided to befriend my old enemy, math. 27 is 3 x 3 x 3 or 3³ or three cubed. So I decided to have a cube themed birthday based around 3 x 3 x 3 being 27. Here is my list:

1- Work out for 27 minutes
2- Beat level 27 of Candy Crush (new high score!)
3- Complete a Rubic’s Cube in under 3:33 (I beat it in under 2.7 minutes)
4- Melt an ice cube in my mouth (no chewing)
5- Play Rummikub
6- Eat 3 sugar cubes (straight sugar is hard to take)
7- Play Kickle Cubicle
8- Order #27 for lunch (lucked out that it wasn’t something weird/gross)
# 27
9- Shoot a bb gun 27 times
10- Shoot 3 targets 3 times each
11- Make a birthday wish at 3:33 (it came true)
12- Look up ’27 Dresses’ on IMDB (not worth watching the movie)
13- Make 3 3-Pointers from 3 positions
14- Drink Dr Pepper with 4 added flavors
15- Win a Texas Hold’em hand with a 2 &7 (took a while, I had the only diamond)
2 & 7
16- Buy 3 things for $3
17- Juggle 3 cubes
18- Ride a bus for 27 minutes (bus route ended at exactly 27 minutes)
19- Do nothing for 3 minutes, 3 times
20- Eat 2-7 meals (I had 3)
21- Roll 3 3s with 3 dice (I got it on my 4th roll!)
22- Get 27 points with 3 darts (My first try I hit the triple 19, second try I hit the 15, 9 & 3)
23- Hit 27 golf balls
24- Play a game of Bocce to 27 (I lost)
25- Play a GameCube game (Twilight Princess)
27- Tell 27 people that it is my birthday (mostly shouted from my car)
27- Participate in a 27 Party Popper solute (my personal favorite)

Quotes of a Salesman

At a previous job, I had the opportunity to sit next to our sales team. I would hear them talking on the phone all day long. After a couple of years of doing this, I had heard quite a few things that made me laugh, scratch my head, roll my eyes, etc. Luckily, I had the foresight to write down a lot of these quotes. Here they are, for your enjoyment:

  1. “Bethda, bethta, betha, …. how do you say that?   Oh, Bethesda!”
  2. “Forgive me…I’m changing gears and trying to think of the thought I was going to go with”
  3. “Anyone can pick up a paintbrush, but not everyone can make a Van Gogh”
  4. “I grew up just a few minutes from West Minister College.”
  5. “With [advertised product] you can expect a 159% return on investment… so you could make double your money back…uh… well…not quite double.”
  6. “We treat our selves as employees…in their…employ.”
  7. “It’s like if I want to play the guitar like Eddie Van Halen, but I only want to take one lesson. It’s like I come in and get one sample lesson and then expect to be able to play like….ya know, pretty good.”
  8. “They had to re-strand each and every single…the whole thing.”
  9. “Does [this company] walk on water? No, but we do pretty well…”
  10. “Hello James, Mike a….or Jeff, it’s Mike at…James, Mike at [company name] calling to see if you had any time to look over the…..oh, hi Jeff.”
  11. “That’s what entrepreneurialism is. It’s not knowing what the future holds for you.”
  12. “Obviously, we want to see Tankini Swimsuits a little bit higher up…”
  13. “My concern isn’t that you are going to leave us and not be our customer, the real thing to consider is how are you going to handle all the business you’re going to get”
  14. “I just hope that maybe one day you’ll see that though you may be pretty good, we’re ten times better than you.”
  15. “I may sound a little drunk, if you call me later on; I promise I’m not, it’s just drugs.”
  16. “If you go to a mall’s website, you don’t see a link to JC Penny or a link to Nord….Norman’s? Or a link to Spencer’s or anything like that…”
  17. “There’s a good movie about Facebook called…uh…Social Media. It’s a great movie because it has a great quote from Mark Zufthisburger that says…”
  18. “Sorry, wait, go back. You said ‘T’ as in Tom, ‘E’ as in Edward, go from there. I actually started to type out Edward.”
  19. “We need to put this on the back boner…”
  20. “SEO as in…Sally, Echo….Orange.”
  21. “Is this like uh just a side…something you do on the side or is it like what you do every day like your main thing you do for income or something?”
  22. “I looked at the page and three-fourths of it is in English, and the other…….the other…little bit is in Spanish.”
  23. “So that’s STL….as in, Salt Lake?”
  24. “Okay, now I’m just talking out loud, but what if…”
  25. “Hi Sammy, is it Samuel or Sammy? …oh Shameil, okay”
  26. “In reference to your question Gary and Bob….uhh, i mean Bobby and Clayton….”

If you have a pretty good quote from a salesman that you have heard, please post it in the comments. Enjoy!

Thumb People

Rethently, I had a lovely Thunday dinner with my family. It wath tho much fun, I dethided to take thumb pictureth to remember the good timeth we had. Here they are, enjoy.



I apologize that some of these pictures were blurry, I tried to keep the camera steady but I’m all thumbs.


Today is the day, the National Day of Unplugging. This holiday was created to get people to take a break from their new smart phone devices, tablets, computers, TVs, watches, pacemakers, integrated home automation systems, gameboys, robotic surrogates, GPS systems, house arrest anklets and air conditioning units. It might as well be called the Nation Day of Spitting in the Faces of Modern Innovators and Inventors Day. Or maybe I went too far.


Although it is against my nature, as an experiment, I have decided to embrace this day of unplugging. I have gone to great lengths to ensure that I stay unplugged. I turned off all the lights, took the batteries out of the smoke detector, blew out two pilot lights, turned off the filter and air bubbles for the fish tank and disabled our security system. In further preparation, I bought a butter churn, wheat grinder, cow bell and one of those small framed motorcycles with pedals instead of a motor.

Even after only trying it for…15 minutes so far, I feel so free. Being unplugged is liberating. It has freed up so much time and I have learned so much. I was so excited about it I decided to shout my excitement from the rooftops. Shouting was liberating as well and helped me learn about police response times and noise ordinances decibel allowances, both of which were surprisingly low numbers.

So, do you see how much opposition there is to unplugging? We need to spread the word about unplugging and fight all those who are constantly plugged….that could have come out better….that could have as well.

I did have to take a brief pause from being unplugged to make this plug for the National Day of Unplugging, but I’m sure you understand. How else are people going to know? (side note: plug is a funny word. plug. plug.)

Join me, and possibly dozens of others, in taking the unplug pledge. You can find out more about the National Day of Unplugging on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Groupon, Google+,, MySpace, esurance, Pinterest and You can also live tweet your progress with #unplug