Quotes of a Salesman

At a previous job, I had the opportunity to sit next to our sales team. I would hear them talking on the phone all day long. After a couple of years of doing this, I had heard quite a few things that made me laugh, scratch my head, roll my eyes, etc. Luckily, I had the foresight to write down a lot of these quotes. Here they are, for your enjoyment:

  1. “Bethda, bethta, betha, …. how do you say that?   Oh, Bethesda!”
  2. “Forgive me…I’m changing gears and trying to think of the thought I was going to go with”
  3. “Anyone can pick up a paintbrush, but not everyone can make a Van Gogh”
  4. “I grew up just a few minutes from West Minister College.”
  5. “With [advertised product] you can expect a 159% return on investment… so you could make double your money back…uh… well…not quite double.”
  6. “We treat our selves as employees…in their…employ.”
  7. “It’s like if I want to play the guitar like Eddie Van Halen, but I only want to take one lesson. It’s like I come in and get one sample lesson and then expect to be able to play like….ya know, pretty good.”
  8. “They had to re-strand each and every single…the whole thing.”
  9. “Does [this company] walk on water? No, but we do pretty well…”
  10. “Hello James, Mike a….or Jeff, it’s Mike at…James, Mike at [company name] calling to see if you had any time to look over the…..oh, hi Jeff.”
  11. “That’s what entrepreneurialism is. It’s not knowing what the future holds for you.”
  12. “Obviously, we want to see Tankini Swimsuits a little bit higher up…”
  13. “My concern isn’t that you are going to leave us and not be our customer, the real thing to consider is how are you going to handle all the business you’re going to get”
  14. “I just hope that maybe one day you’ll see that though you may be pretty good, we’re ten times better than you.”
  15. “I may sound a little drunk, if you call me later on; I promise I’m not, it’s just drugs.”
  16. “If you go to a mall’s website, you don’t see a link to JC Penny or a link to Nord….Norman’s? Or a link to Spencer’s or anything like that…”
  17. “There’s a good movie about Facebook called…uh…Social Media. It’s a great movie because it has a great quote from Mark Zufthisburger that says…”
  18. “Sorry, wait, go back. You said ‘T’ as in Tom, ‘E’ as in Edward, go from there. I actually started to type out Edward.”
  19. “We need to put this on the back boner…”
  20. “SEO as in…Sally, Echo….Orange.”
  21. “Is this like uh just a side…something you do on the side or is it like what you do every day like your main thing you do for income or something?”
  22. “I looked at the page and three-fourths of it is in English, and the other…….the other…little bit is in Spanish.”
  23. “So that’s STL….as in, Salt Lake?”
  24. “Okay, now I’m just talking out loud, but what if…”
  25. “Hi Sammy, is it Samuel or Sammy? …oh Shameil, okay”
  26. “In reference to your question Gary and Bob….uhh, i mean Bobby and Clayton….”

If you have a pretty good quote from a salesman that you have heard, please post it in the comments. Enjoy!

Unplug

Today is the day, the National Day of Unplugging. This holiday was created to get people to take a break from their new smart phone devices, tablets, computers, TVs, watches, pacemakers, integrated home automation systems, gameboys, robotic surrogates, GPS systems, house arrest anklets and air conditioning units. It might as well be called the Nation Day of Spitting in the Faces of Modern Innovators and Inventors Day. Or maybe I went too far.

Unplug

Although it is against my nature, as an experiment, I have decided to embrace this day of unplugging. I have gone to great lengths to ensure that I stay unplugged. I turned off all the lights, took the batteries out of the smoke detector, blew out two pilot lights, turned off the filter and air bubbles for the fish tank and disabled our security system. In further preparation, I bought a butter churn, wheat grinder, cow bell and one of those small framed motorcycles with pedals instead of a motor.

Even after only trying it for…15 minutes so far, I feel so free. Being unplugged is liberating. It has freed up so much time and I have learned so much. I was so excited about it I decided to shout my excitement from the rooftops. Shouting was liberating as well and helped me learn about police response times and noise ordinances decibel allowances, both of which were surprisingly low numbers.

So, do you see how much opposition there is to unplugging? We need to spread the word about unplugging and fight all those who are constantly plugged….that could have come out better….that could have as well.

I did have to take a brief pause from being unplugged to make this plug for the National Day of Unplugging, but I’m sure you understand. How else are people going to know? (side note: plug is a funny word. plug. plug.)

Join me, and possibly dozens of others, in taking the unplug pledge. You can find out more about the National Day of Unplugging on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Groupon, Google+, about.me, MySpace, esurance, Pinterest and match.com. You can also live tweet your progress with #unplug

Jigsaw Pumpkin

I first thought up the Jigsaw Pumpkin about a week after Halloween 2012. I wish I could say that, with nearly a year or preparation, I knew exactly how I wanted to do it. But I didn’t. I kinda just winged it. Regardless, I think it turned out pretty well. It holds itself together and looks pretty neat with some light shining from within. I’m pleased with it, it amuses me. Check out the gallery/slide show at the bottom for more pics.

Jigsaw Pumpkin

Does Shampoo Actually Work?

ShampooI have a hard time finding a shampoo that is made for my hair style. Shampoos advertise that they are ‘for Voluminous Hair’, others are ‘for Shiny & Silky Hair’ and some are ‘for Healthy Scalps’. But I don’t have any of that. Why isn’t there a shampoo ‘for Dirty, Matted and Oily Hair’?

Because of these oversights, I have my doubts as to whether shampoo even works. Especially for guys (or more accurately, people with short hair) it doesn’t seem to do much. Does it actually do anything other than foam up on your head, drip down into your eyes and blind you for up to, but no less than, 3 hours?

This is the part of the post where I’m supposed to say that I was curious enough about this subject to perform a test. The test would involve something like not using shampoo on my hair for a period of time while documenting the condition of the follicles, scalp, cowlick, hairline, etc. Then the test would move to a phase where I did use shampoo regularly and documented all the differences in the condition of scalp, follicles, and so forth.

Then this would be the part where I explained the differences and came to one of two conclusions. Option 1 would be that the shampoo worked and I would then back a certain brand, gain sponsorship and live an easy life. Option 2 would be that I found that shampoo didn’t have an effect on anything and I would swear off the stuff and go to live in the mountains.

However, I didn’t do any research, scientific testing or even much hypothesizing. I suppose I could try to make a change, but more than likely I’ll keep on using Head & Shoulders, although sometimes I forget the other half and end up just using it on my head.